you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
