so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
