If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
if only i could text you this smell
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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