Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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