We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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