We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
