Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Randomize
