Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
