he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
