I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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