forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
