my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
