Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
