strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
