Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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