I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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