Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
