So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
