They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
