at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
