I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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