there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
