I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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