I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
