Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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