Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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