last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize