Your face is a jimmy john
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dignity is for republicans.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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