Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
