He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
