If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
