yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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