I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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