Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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