While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
