I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
