so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
