I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
