Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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