probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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