she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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