There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's the barista slut.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
