the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
