We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
