I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
