its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
