Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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