do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
