someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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