ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
barbara walters just said penis...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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