Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
