Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize