You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize