do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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