Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
