im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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