i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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