If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
