I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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