I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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