I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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