We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
