I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
