Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
