What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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