Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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