My nipple is on Facebook.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize