Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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