She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize