just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
