I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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