Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Small penises have feelings too.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Shame - the story of my life.
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