I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
