I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
