Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
