If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
