he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
