Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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