I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize