i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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